The eyes are one of the first features we notice when we meet someone for the first time. From the eyes we get an immediate sense about whether a person is friendly, intense, laid back, or easy to get along with.

 

Tolerance, one of the most important personality traits, indicates the timing of emotional responses and reactions in the moment. Tolerance has nothing to do with impatience. Rather, it indicates how long we will put up with a situation before we respond, how much we will let things deviate from the way they should be before correcting them. This personality trait is determined by the spacing of the eyes. Individuals with close-set eyes react to situations more quickly and want to work by the rules. Wide-set-eyed individuals are extremely tolerant and laid back.

Low Tolerance - Close-Set Eyes

People with low tolerance tend to focus on the issue at hand. They have an intense "now" reaction, which makes them present in the moment, and a built-in sense of right and wrong. When intent on something, nothing else exists for them. If you need to get their attention, give them some time to break away from what they are doing. This helps avoid irritating them or making them snap at you. These individuals perform better when working on one or two projects at a time; they feel overwhelmed when faced with a number of tasks at once. These people also feel pressured when multitasking and tend to snap at others; then they become hard on themselves for being so intolerant. They don't want to be intolerant. If their daily activities require multitasking, after a while they will adjust. However, they feel a great sense of relief when the pressure to do so goes away. 

People with low tolerance tend to focus on the issue at hand. They have an intense "now" reaction, which makes them present in the moment, and a built-in sense of right and wrong. When intent on something, nothing else exists for them. If you need to get their attention, give them some time to break away from what they are doing. This helps avoid irritating them or making them snap at you. These individuals perform better when working on one or two projects at a time; they feel overwhelmed when faced with a number of tasks at once. These people also feel pressured when multitasking and tend to snap at others; then they become hard on themselves for being so intolerant. They don't want to be intolerant. If their daily activities require multitasking, after a while they will adjust. However, they feel a great sense of relief when the pressure to do so goes away.

One of my clients with close-set eyes shared that she criticizes herself when she becomes intolerant, because she feels her behavior is inappropriate. She is equally intolerant of other people's behavior; she has a difficult time when people break rules she doesn't allow herself to break. Whereas, an individual with wide-set eyes would be more likely to say, "Relax. Don't worry about it." They would see my client as over reacting to these situations.

Many times in the work world individuals with close-set eyes find themselves feeling overwhelmedy their responsibilities.  If they have very demanding bosses, this adds to their stress.  This was very apparent when a man with the low tolerance trait came to install our high-speed telephone line.  He had 13 service calls to make that day. He was under extreme pressure, which affected the quality of his work.   He was in such a hurry to finish the job that he inadvertently cut off a couple of phone lines.

 

When you find yourself facing a company or store employee or anyone who comes across as intense, stressed and "in your face," don't take it personally.  If they have close-set eyes, find ways to relax them.  When I was renewing my driver's license, having failed the written test the first time, I approached the counter only to meet with a very intense man.  "Hmm," I thought, "I need to pass this test, what can I do to humor him?"  I noticed that not only did he have extremely close-set eyes, he also had exposed eyelids, which meant he didn't like his time to be wasted.  He also had an oval forehead, often seen in gourmet cooks, and tight skin across the frame of his face, which indicated he liked things to be squeaky clean.  So, I asked him, "Do you enjoy cooking?"

 

"Why, yes," he said. "I do all the cooking at home.  I'm a gourmet cook." 

"Yes," I said, "and I expect you like things to be squeaky clean."  A slight sparkle appeared in his eyes and his mouth start to turn up into a smile.  I had accomplished my goal!

We all meet people who have intense styles of communication, being under pressure adds to their intensity.  Looking for facial clues will help you understand them and relax them, thus producing positive results and better communication.  When you walk away from your encounters with these individuals, you will be able to say to yourself, "Yes, my efforts worked." It will leave a smile on your face as well as on theirs.

 

Sometimes individuals with extremely close-set eyes focus on problems until they seem to become bigger than life itself.  They create movies in their heads by replaying remarks or situations over an over again.  If their feelings have been hurt, they dwell......      [end of excerpt]